Shall we ask Sarah? No, not the kind of question that perks up her ears. I'll just tell you what I think and how I feel, and I'm interested in your thoughts and feelings on the subject, too.
For me,
giving a holiday gift is akin to writing a letter because, whether giving or
writing, I take a lot of personal pleasure in the process. I’ve been thinking
about gift-giving lately, in this season of holiday shopping and preparation,
and wondering where my pleasure in buying and giving comes from. As with most
questions involving holiday traditions, my answer can be traced back to
childhood.
My
parents were not big shoppers, in general, so our at-home family Christmas was hardly an orgy of materialist excess.
Gifts were modest. The thing is, my mother and father were not routinely buying
things for us twelve months of the year. We usually got a few new school
clothes in September, along with school supplies, and there was always a cake
and a special gift for each girl’s birthday, but we were not continuously showered with new
clothes, toys, games, records, or even books. We were
not deprived, but neither were we overindulged by any measure, and I think this
is why gifts at Christmas were so special.
![](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6nUGlHMTKcw/UrMlH_HIuaI/AAAAAAAAPS8/Gih76u1WD4Y/s320/cookies.jpg)
One
gift I’ll never forget, one of my very favorites, was a new hardcover copy of
Marguerite Henry’s Black
Gold, a story –
yes, about a horse! -- that still gives me shivers just thinking of it. I
remember one grandmother giving me my own first alarm clock, too, a windup Baby
Ben, and the other grandparents sending a long-playing record, an anthology
called “Great Hits on Dot.” All these gifts had been bought, rather than
homemade, but they were precious to me. I say “but” because there seems to be a
feeling in some quarters that gifts purchased with money don’t come from as
deep in the heart as something the giver has made by hand, and that doesn’t fit
with my experience. I’m not saying that purchased gifts are better. I just don’t think they must be
seen as inferior.
Let me
come at this from another angle. Even as children, we were encouraged by our
parents to give as well as receive. Without a lot of spending money, again, our
gifts to each other were modest, but each one was chosen with the recipient in
mind, and my sisters and I were proud to choose, buy, wrap and give presents to
each other and to our parents.
One
year as a young adult, barely able to afford the trip back to my parents’ home
for the holiday, the gifts I gave were all homemade. There was a jar of spinach
noodles for each relative and a poem written for all to share. It was all I could do.
For
several years more recently, I fixated on the idea that no one in my family
“needed” anything, and I coerced them (there is no more accurate word) into
giving donations to charity in each other’s names and calling those “gifts.”
Don’t get me wrong. My family is not “needy,” and plenty of people in the world
are, and charitable giving, whether for the holidays or any other time, is
important. But I’ve gone back to giving my family simple gifts, things in packages to be
opened on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning, depending on the tradition of the
individual nuclear family involved, because I like doing it, and so do they.
Certain
people are easier to buy for than others, but when inspiration strikes for
hard-to-buy-for relatives, I am overjoyed. Yes! “Do you want gift boxes?” Yes! “Do you want us to gift-wrap them
for you?” No! I want to do that myself!!!
(There
are no pictures here of gifts I’ve sent off to family or squirreled away for
David (some wrapped in reusable cloth, others in new or even re-used paper),
because the former lot have gone out in the mail, and the latter are not yet
wrapped, and anyway, they are surprises, and they are just for the people getting them, not for my blog readers. Yes,
some of the gifts are books, but by no means all. Some presents are practical,
some inspirational, and some are edible, either homemade -- those mostly to local friends -- or gourmet treats my relatives would not buy for themselves.)
Here’s
another thing. We don’t travel on holidays. In the past, I spent many
white-knuckled hours on dangerously ice-covered roads, praying I wouldn’t join the
jack-knifed semi-trailer trucks in the median ditch. Weather is always a
possible issue. Days are short in December, too. Driving expressways in the
dark? No, thank you! Then there is the expense of travel, a sure thing, and add
to those negatives my wanting to be in my bookstore open the day before and
after Christmas, the last time people will be coming “home” to Northport until
their summer vacations. It all adds up to staying home. Our kids and grandkids
have busy lives downstate and in Minnesota, as do my sisters and mother
in Illinois. The upshot of all this is that we don’t hop planes or hit the road
in December. Instead we call and talk to each other on the phone. We also send
presents. It’s yet another way of “being together” across the miles, and it
means a lot to all of us, as I’ve come to realize more and more.
No one in this country is obligated to observe any holiday, and every one
of us is free to celebrate or not in whatever way we choose. The day may
come -- may it be far, far in the future! -- when I can no longer shop for holiday
presents, but while I can I am going to enjoy it! And I must say, if my family
has one-quarter as much fun opening their presents as I had buying and wrapping
and sending them, I will have my pleasure all over again in theirs. Clearly,
there is an aspect of self-indulgence here. Is that a bad thing? All I can say
is, I feel very, very good about it.
5 comments:
Sarah looks like she's just about to fall asleep or, maybe, she has just (been)awakened. It's a sweet picture of her, regardless. I too enjoy gift giving at the holiday time. Are all the gifts you give reciprocated with the receiver giving back to you? If not, how do you feel about giving, but not getting back? Karen
I hadn't thought at all about that aspect of giving gifts, Karen, so I guess it's a good question, but I generally don't look at the giving as half of an exchange. I certainly don't want anyone to feel obligated to give me anything. Although now that you've brought it up, there's always a hint of that, isn't there? If I could, with some friends I would love to be Santa, sneaking in and leaving anonymous surprises so that no one would feel the need to reciprocate. When groups of friends do a gift exchange, that's different. Everyone knows the ground rules then.
I enjoy buying (and occasionally making) gifts for family members too. I rarely see anything in return and I never noticed that until recently. Not that they don't care...they just aren't that organized. I like to find the perfect thing and sometimes that means I find something in July. This year for whatever reason I was uninspired and sent traditional stuff that I am sure will be appreciated but certainly wasn't unique. Ah well. Next year! :)
Have a wonderful holiday, safe at home, cozy and warm. Perfect.
I enjoyed reading your holiday gift-giving thoughts, Pamela. Especially liked your childhood memories--made me think of our unwrapped Santa presents (had forgotten about that.) We're heading out to Georgia on Christmas Day. I don't like traveling this time of year but, heck, we haven't seen Barry's parents in two years and they're getting up there in years. Chris and his wife are joining us. Have a very Merry Christmas!
Dawn, nice to hear you enjoy giving gifts, too. Childhood, Kathy? You're both reminding me of presents I gave my parents at various times. My father was easy, as he was a reader and loved short stories. O. Henry and Saki were favorites, so a book of stories by either author was bound to be a hit. One time I wandered into an expensive gift store in search of something special for my mother. When I opened the door, bells tinkled to alert the salesperson that someone was on the premises. She hurried to my side and stuck like a burr! She would NOT leave me alone! There was hardly anything in the store I could afford, but at last I made the purchase of a candle snuffer (we always had candles on the buffet and dining table for special occasions) and made my escape. My mother still has the candle snuffer, and we still laugh over what I called, telling the story of the gift shop, "those horrid little bells!"
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